This verse really sums up what I believe. It can be applied to so many different situations in life. It has increased my faith and helped me stay strong and endure through the biggest of valleys and to be able to praise God for all He has done. Because if you would have asked me 8 years ago what my life was going to be like I would have never imagined this in my wildest dreams, good and bad alike. Tadd and I got married August 10, 2003 and were blissful. You know the newlywed happiness where nothing else matters in life because everything is new and fresh. We had goals in life, dreams of what we wanted our lives to be like, expectations.
And then, God set us straight. We had always hoped to have children. I of course wanted them as soon as possible. Being a nanny among other things only heightened the desire until I convinved Tadd of the sooner than later plan instead of "5". He wanted to wait 5 years before trying to have kids and I wanted them as soon as possible.
After trying for a year and a half we were left wondering why it wasn't happening for us. Why this gift of life was escaping us? It shouldn't be this hard right? One thing led to another until the day I will never forget. It was a day like any other except for the phonecall. My ob/gyn's nurse called me and proceeded to inform me as if it was nothing important, "yes, that is right you and your husband will never be able to have children" My world was turned upside down as I knew it and dreams shattered. One thing led to another and we ended up in a fertility specialist's office talking about the next steps. In vitro was our only option we were told of ever conceiving naturally as there were issues with both of us. As if the process of IVF seems natural in any sense of the word. After going through a cycle of shots, tests, and being pumped full of all kinds of hormones it makes a person realize what the "miracle of birth" actually means. How only a magnificent God like ours could create such conditions where everything has to be just right in order to create this miraculous being...an embryo, a human life.
We endured 3 rounds of IVF before I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. We had talked about adoption before we began to see if we were both open to the idea and had mutally agreed that if IVF didn't work that would be the next step. Yes, it was hard moving on. Being able to move on from not being physically able to give birth to a child is hard. A trial that really doesn't get any easier as time goes on. Women are supposed to bear children. Isn't it what we are supposed to do? And when that doesn't happen it is hard. You question why? am I not worthy? why does it happen so easily for others and not for me? But God moved my heart to be open to adoption. I knew that God had blessed me with the heart for being a mother and truly felt as though I would be wasting a gift from Him if I choose to do nothing about it. So now I can say with all assurance that God called me to adoption. I may not be a biological mother, but I love my children as if they were my own flesh and blood.
We started down the road of adoption in 2006. To make a long story short, after 3 failed domestic adoptions we got matched up with a beautiful baby girl, Alayna Christine on April 30th 2007. She was incredible. I will never forget the day I held Laynie in my arms. I was a mother and it felt unreal, like someone would pinch me and I would wake up. She was so tiny and all her features were just perfect. We met when she was only a day old and got to take her home the next day. Two weeks later we were sitting at a hospital hearing the words that our daughter had hypoplastic left heart syndrome, transposition of the great arteries, coarctation of the aorta, tricuspid artresia, and VSD. Once again our lives were turned upside down, expectations shattered, and our faith tested. She would need numerous open heart surgeries throughout her life in order to survive. Laynie's journey is far to long and emotion to explain in a few words. For more of Laynie's story from the beginning go here Exactly 9 months from the day she was first placed in my arms I was once again holding Laynie in my arms giving her over to my God.
And where does the story go from here. It only gets better. Life is hard. Trials are hard. Faith takes work. But, God is FAITHFUL! And He will endure. And all things DO WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD! Even when we don't have the breath to utter words of prayers to His throne, He hears our groans. And after he picked up the broken pieces and mended our wounded spirits, we began the adoption journey again, Selah Malia was born Oct 2, 2008. She is such a blessing to us. Her energy and spunk for life! Her kind spirit! And then again on May 2, 2010 Finn Isaiah was born and once again our cup overflowed with love for His children that God has so richly blessed us with. I am without words, humbled that God would allow us to be able to raise them as our own.
Our blog is just a way we can share our lives with those around us. And if anything we have gone through touches your heart or helps you through a struggle in your life, then it was that much more worth it! It is a source of therapy for me, a way to vent or share my heart with you. So thanks for listening or checking in with us!
