One year ago...

One year ago today this was where we were....this is Laynie taken the 1st of January. What a year. I was looking back through Laynie's scrapbooks today. We ended up going in to the hospital on January 3rd for her second stage surgery never imagining the future outcome. Reading our caringbridge entries was such a step back in time. It seems like a blur. Though looking back I know that God was there each step of the way for us and continues to direct our path in life. I also found a verse that we had been given when Laynie's heart stopped a few days later. God speaks to those who take time to listen - and He listens to those who take time to pray. The verse is Jer. 29:11 which has been a vital part of our lives this past year. "For I know the plans I have for you - declares the Lord - Plans to prosper you and and not harm you - plans to give you a hope and a purpose!" I know that God ultimately has a plan for Laynie, Selah, and our lives. I don't fully understand why we can't still have Laynie here with us, but I know that her life touched more people than we ever could have imagined and she not only drew me closer to Christ, but she strengthened my relationship with my family and friends too. I like to dwell on the fact that God ultimately knew how long she would be here and what the future held and hand picked us to be her parents for that short time. And we are BLESSED that he would entrust one of his children in our care. For ultimately every child is God's and it is our responsibility to show them His love. I pray that Laynie felt His love and our love every minute of every day. And even though the pain of not being able to bear children on my own is still a struggle, I know that if God had not led us to adoption I would not have been able to have our two daughters, that now I wouldn't trade for the world. Adoption helps me to see the big picture in life. It causes me to get off looking at my own desires and focus on what He wants me to do with this life He blesses me with.

So as this new year comes into swing, I wish you all a Happy New Year. May you feel God's love shining upon you. And if you are in the midst of heartache or struggle, I pray that you can feel God's peace that only He can give when you are fully trusting in Him to carry your burden for you. And that He will provide His grace for each day to draw Him closer as He did us. Often during the big trials in life it is easier to rely on God, because that is the hope you cling to, to carry you through. But, my goal this year is even if we are not faced with major adversity that I can still cling to my God and draw closer to Him. May you all grow in His grace and knowledge this upcoming year. God bless you all!


Our caringbridge site is still available to look at www.caringbridge.org and the name to visit is gerstbaby

The end of Christmas gatherings

Friday night we celebrated Christmas with the big L family - cousins and all. It was quite an adventure with the little ones running around. My brother and his family arrived from Missouri. Saturday was just my family Christmas at our house. It was lots of fun and great to watch all the kids open gifts. And the last gathering...Sunday. We celebrated birthdays and ate homemade pizza. My "second parents" even got to come over and share in the fun. Overall, this year's Christmas gatherings were ones of joy and excitement. We are so blessed to have our families and friends around this time of year. God has truly brought us through another year.

Jack and Jan...my second parents. They lived next door to us when I was little and came to celebrate birthdays with us on Sunday.

Aunt K and Selah - what a pair!

Selah got to meet her cousin Kara for the first time!

The family is growing...

Mom L got matching outfits for the grandkids so we could try to get a picture...good luck with 6 kids under 6!

Abby unsure about this princess cake.

Here it is...

Andrew blows out the candles on his crane cake, I know...I don't quite know how to make crane cakes as well :) I did my best!

Quinton gives Selah a big

Christmas

On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we were with the Grusy's (Tadd's mom's side). Lots and lots of food... We missed all the W's though, half of the family was gone because of sickness so it wasn't quite the same.

Here is our first Christmas picture - God has surely blessed us!

Christmas Eve

This Christmas post is long past due. We started out the Saturday before Christmas at Tadd's parent's house to celebrate with just his family. It was lots of fun. Selah actually slept through most of it.

Then at the beginning of the week we got to go see the festival of lights with Nate, Emily, and Haley. It was lots of fun and we think the girls enjoyed it :)

Video of Selah

Here is a video of Selah showing off her cooing and the last tidbit is her smiling away. Of course this is a collaboration of many minutes of trying to get her to perform on cue :) She was quite interested in the video camera. Enjoy!

The little things..

I keep telling myself, Jill...don't stress over little things. It seems this happens every year. I get so busy I need to tell myself to stop and take everything in, enjoy the family get togethers and time we get to spend together, but then I catch myself running around in 10 different directions. I am sure all the women can relate. Going to bed and still checking off the list in your head...presents, wrapped, groceries to make food, when to make food, laundry done, house cleaned, cards sent out... the never-ending list. I am already thinking about having to take down all the Christmas decorations and getting ready to host a personal wedding shower. How silly is that! We are serving lunch for our church for the first time by ourselves on Jan. 4th so that just adds a whole new dimention in the midst of the holidays. BUT - don't get me wrong. I am enjoying this holiday. I am very excited to see all five of my nieces and nephews from Missouri. I made two birthday cakes for them - Abby gets a princess cake (has a barbie with her dress coming out) and Andrew gets a crane...pictures will follow :) We also are keeping Tadd's cousin, his wife, and their two girls one of which is only a few weeks apart from Selah so I am really excited to see the two of them interact together. Then on Friday we may be blessed with a visit from Tadd's best man from Colorado and his family to spend a night with us. So, lots of things to be thankful for.

With all of this going on I still seem to be struggling with missing Laynie. What is it about holidays that always makes you lonesome for those that aren't with us anymore. It is so hard at night for me, the worse is going to bed. All that quiet thinking time when you remember all the memories... I think many people would think we are so excited for our first Christmas with Selah, and we are, but also my heart is aching for Laynie for it is our first Christmas without her. I know she is having a much better Christmas this year with CHRIST, but I still miss her! We are truly blessed with all that we have. Please pray for his healing touch and peace for us this year and patience for my husband as he has to deal with an emotional wife at times :) I cannot believe what immense love I have for both of my girls. They are my everything.

I know I have said this before, but I have to ditto what Tyson said in his blog about helping those that are mourning. For me, the sayings that seem so repetitious.."she is in a better place, she is in no pain.." are all true and I know that, but some times I would rather have a hug or have someone share a memory about her. That helps even more. We love you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas sharing His love with those around you!

Christmas card

Here is our Christmas card to all of you out there!

Photography by Kara

So our first photographer was unable to have our pictures done in time to make our Christmas card so I was a little frantic as to what we should do....and who to the rescue, my two cousins (their wives I mean :) Kara and Andrea came over and took charge. In just a little over an hour they had snapped all these pictures. Kara is just starting to take pictures, but as you can tell she does an amazing job. Our Christmas card will be posted next as we couldn't send it to all of you through mail...postage these days!

Sorry there are so many pictures, but they were a little hard to choose from. I would love to pass customers along to her so maybe I can send more of her info out later (if you would like Kara!)

I love to cuddle with Selah
This frown is a classic Selah expression

This is her Christmas dress this year.

The most commented on photo! Way to go Kara!

Photo shoot slide show

Hello everyone! I am sure it seems that all we do is show more and more pics of Selah, but here are some more. We had Cindy from Shelby-Studios take Selah's pictures back in Nov. and we just got the proofs back. The following link it to her website where you can watch a slide show. It may take a while to load.

http://www.shelby-studios.com/selah/iframe.html

or if that doesn't work you can try this...

www.shelby-studios.com/selah

Moments

Our little princess. I caught these this morning after she first woke up - that's when we get the best smiles. Today Grandma G came over to visit and Selah coo'ed for the first time! We caught a little on video, but are waiting till she does it again. So far, for grandma is the only time...of course mommy's jealous!


The tongue being out...yes, it is quite a common occurence!

2 months old

SELAH IS 2 MONTHS OLD!

Selah had her 2-month checkup today. She weighed in at 11 lbs. 15 oz.! She was 23 inches long. She also got 2 shots :( She actually did pretty well under the circumstances.

Newest adventures...sleeping through the night! (of course we have been crossing our fingers that this continues, but she started the day after Thanksgiving). She likes to sleep on her belly and suck her thumb. You just lay her down and after sucking for a while...off to sleep she goes! She also can hold her head up and look around quite well. She is very independent and doesn't like her head held, she would rather look around by herself. She can focus on you now and really grins - a full faced one is best, eyes crinkled and a big ole' smile! Today I even thought she "belly laughed" with it :)

She continues to amaze us every day. We love seeing her personality come out more and more. Soon she will be rolling over!

Mommy's snuggling time...

This pic was taken at Steph's wedding, Papa and Grandma G with the grandkids!