I keep telling myself, Jill...don't stress over little things. It seems this happens every year. I get so busy I need to tell myself to stop and take everything in, enjoy the family get togethers and time we get to spend together, but then I catch myself running around in 10 different directions. I am sure all the women can relate. Going to bed and still checking off the list in your head...presents, wrapped, groceries to make food, when to make food, laundry done, house cleaned, cards sent out... the never-ending list. I am already thinking about having to take down all the Christmas decorations and getting ready to host a personal wedding shower. How silly is that! We are serving lunch for our church for the first time by ourselves on Jan. 4th so that just adds a whole new dimention in the midst of the holidays. BUT - don't get me wrong. I am enjoying this holiday. I am very excited to see all five of my nieces and nephews from Missouri. I made two birthday cakes for them - Abby gets a princess cake (has a barbie with her dress coming out) and Andrew gets a crane...pictures will follow :) We also are keeping Tadd's cousin, his wife, and their two girls one of which is only a few weeks apart from Selah so I am really excited to see the two of them interact together. Then on Friday we may be blessed with a visit from Tadd's best man from Colorado and his family to spend a night with us. So, lots of things to be thankful for.
With all of this going on I still seem to be struggling with missing Laynie. What is it about holidays that always makes you lonesome for those that aren't with us anymore. It is so hard at night for me, the worse is going to bed. All that quiet thinking time when you remember all the memories... I think many people would think we are so excited for our first Christmas with Selah, and we are, but also my heart is aching for Laynie for it is our first Christmas without her. I know she is having a much better Christmas this year with CHRIST, but I still miss her! We are truly blessed with all that we have. Please pray for his healing touch and peace for us this year and patience for my husband as he has to deal with an emotional wife at times :) I cannot believe what immense love I have for both of my girls. They are my everything.
I know I have said this before, but I have to ditto what Tyson said in his blog about helping those that are mourning. For me, the sayings that seem so repetitious.."she is in a better place, she is in no pain.." are all true and I know that, but some times I would rather have a hug or have someone share a memory about her. That helps even more. We love you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas sharing His love with those around you!
4 comments:
I can only imagine what you must be feeling.... the holidays truly are difficult times to deal with feelings like that. Big Christmas wishes being sent your way.
Jill-
Here's a great memory for you. I remember taking care of Laynie one of many days. This day she was particularly "crabby", and I couldn't seem to comfort her. Tadd came in and started doing what I call his "horse galloping" on her bottom. I remember her looking over at me, and you could almost read her eyes saying, "see, all I needed was my Daddy."
The next time I had her on a crabby day, I thought I'd be smart and do the same as her Daddy did. The little stinker could tell the difference!! I must not have been doing it just right. I hope this will help you smile, even just for a second. Jill, we're all here for you whenever you need to talk or have a shoulder to cry on.
Bethany RN, PICU
Thanks for being real and sharing your hurting heart. The Lord has brought you to mind often today. At our Christmas Eve service we were reminded that Christ was fully God and fully man - and He can understand everything we go thru. Will keep praying - including prayers for bedtime to go better for you.
Sweet dreams, Teresa
I was just thinking of you guys and wanted to say hi! Jill, your writing makes me cry everytime. You are so courageous. Never underestimate the power of prayer. I will pray for you.
Ellie Rassi
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