Remembering...

Well, the day has come and gone and with it the mixed emotions that always come with it. February 1st marked the two year anniversary of our Alayna passing away. It sounds so redundant, but I cannot believe it is two years already. I knew the day was coming and with it would come the emotions, so honestly I was trying to act like it was nothing. You know, that always works, right? Wrong! But, it was an OK day nonetheless. Honestly I try not to let myself fully "relive" Laynie's last moments because they are too raw still, too gut wrenching, just overall memories I wish I could forget one minute and the next cling to because I don't want to forget a minute that she was here with me. So many memories are in the hospital and not enough from everyday life. Her life was just such a gift, such a miracle each step of the way. God blessed us more than we could have imagined with our firstborn. She will always be our first child, our first glimpse of parenthood, and that immense love that comes with it. God taught us so much through her life more than words can even begin to explain. So, to my dearest Alayna - I love you so much. I hold the memories of you close in my heart. You were gone way too soon, but I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. I miss you more than I can say. I cling to the truths I know...that someday I will be able to once again sit in a rocking chair and hold you in my arms again rocking you for an eternity. Feeling the warmth of your body once again against mine. Looking into your eyes and seeing the love they hold. And it is then that all these tears and pain of this life and the "bad" memories will be washed away and only joy will remain. I love you Alayna Christine, my Layniebug. We tell your sister of you all the time. Now she can only see your pictures, but as she gets older we will tell her your story of how you changed our lives forever and how you would have been the best big sister ever! Give Jesus and big hug for me and thank Him again for allowing me to be your mother for those short 9 months. You will NEVER be forgotten. Love - Mommy