GARAGE SALE!

GARAGE SALE!!!! Our house 1656 Knapp Drive Congerville, IL 61729 on Wednesday April 22nd and Thursday April 23rd!! Lots of name brands...Polo, Old Navy, GAP, and much much more! Girls clothing size 0-18 months and shoes too. Boys clothing 0-18 months. Adult clothing. Home decor, kitchen and bath items. Also my burp rags and bows will be there too!

Hope to see you there 8 am - 4 pm!!

Bubbles and pink toes

This has been the daily routine for the last few days. It has been gorgeous outside so the second Selah gets out the door she takes off for our lane. She loves to explore and is constantly "ooo'ing" at something. She loves going to the mailbox to get the mail and wandering around outside.

We have enjoyed the glimpses of spring lately...having pink toes

and waving to our shadows...

I love seeing Selah's expressions to all the new things she is discovering.

The pure joy she finds in watching bubbles float around her

the awe... and I am reminded of the beauty of this life that God has given us. The simple joys that sometimes if we don't take time to enjoy, pass us by. So this week I vowed to be grateful and appreciate all the little things we love.

Like Selah's high pitched "wheeeeee" as she swings and remembering how little she looked last year in this swing and how grown up she looks today.

And smiling with her every time I look at this picture

Selah will be 18 months soon. We are counting down the days until Florida and I can't wait to see her as she discovers the ocean and sand. We truly are blessed! Hope you all could enjoy this nice weather too - at least while it lasts :)

Struggles

I got the opportunity yesterday to attend the Hearts at Home Mom Conference in Bloomington and it was amazing! It really opened my eyes and renewed my heart to my calling to be the best mother I can by God's grace. To make it a goal to raise Selah to love God, be compassionate, honest, pure, independent, grateful, respectful, and all the other goals we have for our children in life. We have such an opportunity and responsibility to impress upon our child's heart the tools they need to fulfill His plan in their lives.

But I am missing this...

And this day...

Which brings me to the struggle I have been having lately...the waiting. I am trying to remain strong and patient in waiting. To "Be Still and Know that I AM GOD." That He is in control. We have gone through this battle before, but for some reason it feels the same...hard. Wanting to do His will with bringing children into our lives, but not knowing what we physically should be doing to promote the process. We are still continuing with the attorney group that we did with Selah out of Indiana, but we were specifying a boy this time and with that comes a different journey. It closes down our opportunities for our profile to be shown to a wide spread group and only allows it to be shown to those that know they are having a boy - which will more than likely be a mother who has already had her child - a surprise baby for the agency (like Laynie was). We got the call about Laynie the day she was born and the next day we picked her up. We are just struggling with whether we should be gender specific or not. Is this a selfish thought? to request a boy? Because if I was pregnant myself we wouldn't have a say over it :) We know that God has already chosen our child out there. And they may be in their mother's womb at this very minute. It is just hard to have faith in waiting when we can't see the end result. I always tell people if I knew it was going to be a year until we would be matched I could deal with it better, because I would know the end result....but that wouldn't be faith now would it. We always want the "easier" way, the way we can control things or think that we have some say in the end result. But simply said...we don't.

Our lives are pure examples of this and yet we are human. Questioning God's will in our lives. And you know that when we get impatient, Satan knows just want cracks to squeeze into to try to crumble our houses. He knows our every weakness, our faults, our insecurities and boy does he use them against us. Like...you should be jealous of all the other women that are able to bear children on their own because you aren't a "mother" just an adoptive mother, you will never feel your child move inside you...feel the miracle of life inside you, this adoption will take forever and then may end up falling through like the others did before we got Laynie...and the negative thoughts just keep going on and on.

But then the truths come...the promises I know are true. All things work together for good, to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose. And if you EVER see me grumbling. Please feel free to throw that verse right in my face! Because it IS true! And I KNOW it is! And I am BLESSED. I should be eternally GRATEFUL for all that God has given me. A loving husband, and house over my head, a beautiful child that I held for 9 months, and another girl who blesses my life every day. And more than anything I should be content. Content with what God has given me. Because I learned yesterday that the opposite of poverty isn't being rich..it is having enough! And I have enough. Even if God doesn't grant me the opportunity to have another child, I have enough...and I am grateful.

So as the tears flow..I know He is faithful. And Satan, I know you are out there trying to tear me down, but I want to let you know that you won't win. Because His Spirit is with me every minute of every day and His peace is with me. And though I am human and I fall short and get discouraged, God's love is sure and we will be OK. No, better than OK...BLESSED!

For those of you that are reading this I am not asking for sympathy that is not my goal. I am letting you into my heart so if you too are going through similar struggles with infertility or any struggle in life...that you can realize that you are not alone. And the thoughts you have that are contrary to God's promises are from Satan. Tell Him to flee from you and cling to those around you and to God's word. For His word is true and everlasting.

We love you all and pray that God willing we some day will have news to share with you that God has another child of His that He is allowing us to care for!

Everyday Life

Well, it has been a month since I posted on here and everyday I look at our blog and think...what to write, what to write... Life has just been the ordinary, busy, life lately. No new exciting pictures of things we are doing, just enjoying the regular moments of the day.

The new news is that Selah is now 17 months old! Can you believe it? She is quite the girl. She is talking more and more. She can now associate two words together such as 'good girl' and 'brrr..cold' She isn't quite as good of an eater any more, but still when hungry will eat about anything that we are eating. She loves playing with her kitchen and we recently got her some fake food to play with too so she likes putting it in her grocery cart and carrying it around the room. She still is really into her dolls. She will rock them and has a true fascination with getting to the batteries with the ones that cry and talk. She will bring it over to me and want me to "turn it on!" So that should be interesting once she gets a baby brother and tries to turn him over to get to the batteries :) She is getting really good at the stairs going up and down, but she took her first tumble last week from our loft to the landing before the main level. Oh my, I wasn't far away but hearing the falling sound was awful! By the time I got to her she was at the bottom so I have no way of knowing how far she fell. Of course one piece of candy stopped her crying and we didn't notice any bumps later so it must not have been too bad!

When I try to take pictures of Selah playing or whatever, this is the reaction I usually get...her running and grabbing my legs to whine so she can get the camera. Trust me, I try to be sneaky about it but the second that camera turns on, she is running to get it!

Here she is being a little mother

A little story in the life of Selah...While eating breakfast one morning consisting of some mini muffins amongst other things she was asking for a new muffin to eat, as the one she was eating was falling apart and half gone. I informed her she needed to finish the one she was eating first and then she could have another one. I glanced over and Selah was cautiously watching me while acting like she wasn't watching me (if that makes any sense). Then when she thought I wasn't looking she moved her half eaten muffin ever so slightly behind her sippy cup and proceeded to point to the new muffin she wanted. I just laughed at her and said, "Selah, mommy can see your muffin right there as I pointed to it." She just looked at me and moved her cup at the same time smiling and saying, "Boo!" -Sure Selah, mommy was so suprised by your muffin playing peekaboo :) Actually, I was a little suprised that she could come up with that all by herself at this age already!

Another thing Selah has discovered..her shadow and light beams (when the light shines across the floor). She is scared of them both. It is funny for a while and then a little annoying. She won't cross any light beams and when she discovers her shadow she waves at her, but then will not walk towards it or by it. I tried to explain it to her...hense the waving began...but so far she doesn't quite understand. Oh well!

She loves playing dress up or just getting dressed up for real. I have to say I have nurtured that a little bit, she is just so stinkin' cute! So here she is in her sparkly pink shoes and purse walking around (of course, this is the best shot because if she sees me...no picture then!). The other day I tried on her Easter outfit which includes a very full skirt and some knee socks with lace on the top. Selah tried them on and just kept saying "oooo" so I think she likes it. She had to go prance over to daddy and do some twirls, followed by a look in the mirror. Too funny! I know, we are going to have to work on her not being so proud, but for now it is just too cute!

She loves reading books and yes, she still sucks her thumb...

Remembering...

Well, the day has come and gone and with it the mixed emotions that always come with it. February 1st marked the two year anniversary of our Alayna passing away. It sounds so redundant, but I cannot believe it is two years already. I knew the day was coming and with it would come the emotions, so honestly I was trying to act like it was nothing. You know, that always works, right? Wrong! But, it was an OK day nonetheless. Honestly I try not to let myself fully "relive" Laynie's last moments because they are too raw still, too gut wrenching, just overall memories I wish I could forget one minute and the next cling to because I don't want to forget a minute that she was here with me. So many memories are in the hospital and not enough from everyday life. Her life was just such a gift, such a miracle each step of the way. God blessed us more than we could have imagined with our firstborn. She will always be our first child, our first glimpse of parenthood, and that immense love that comes with it. God taught us so much through her life more than words can even begin to explain. So, to my dearest Alayna - I love you so much. I hold the memories of you close in my heart. You were gone way too soon, but I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. I miss you more than I can say. I cling to the truths I know...that someday I will be able to once again sit in a rocking chair and hold you in my arms again rocking you for an eternity. Feeling the warmth of your body once again against mine. Looking into your eyes and seeing the love they hold. And it is then that all these tears and pain of this life and the "bad" memories will be washed away and only joy will remain. I love you Alayna Christine, my Layniebug. We tell your sister of you all the time. Now she can only see your pictures, but as she gets older we will tell her your story of how you changed our lives forever and how you would have been the best big sister ever! Give Jesus and big hug for me and thank Him again for allowing me to be your mother for those short 9 months. You will NEVER be forgotten. Love - Mommy